Date #14 Coffee with a Dark Horse

Almost half-way through this Tinder challenge I began to have this very relaxed and nonchalant attitude towards meeting strangers from my iPhone. I began to care less about my appearance, barely finding the care motivation to shave my armpits and brush my hair and there was no emoticons to describe my mental state for these dates other than the self-explanatory eggplant.

I don’t even know what is real when I swipe anymore.

Date #14 was admirable with his communication. From the get-go, he managed to get three messages deep before I would even respond.

Date #14: “How is Richie McPaw?”

2 hours later

Date #14: “You out and about in town tonight?”

2 hours later

Date #14 “Having pancakes for brunch in the morning :)”

I replied at 6:52am the next morning. I had been out the night before and woke up in a previous lover’s bed at 4.30am, refusing to stay the full night to pretend to myself that I still had some sort of dignity and drunkenly made the excuse of leaving to get home for my dog. Nailed it.

Me: “Hope that’s an knifepoint”

Me: “Invite*

Date #14: “At Neo at 11 feel free to join”

Date #14: “Pancakes were soo good. Could take you sometime if you want”

To be brutally honest, I was feeling a little bit sorry that I was being an actual shit correspondent unless the subject matter was about food and asked if he was free to meet for a coffee the next day (Monday). Sunday was a write-off and I took the day off from my 30 days of Tinder since I was absolutely hungover and slightly remorseful about my life choices. Because I was double dating on some days, I was 11 days in and two dates ahead of the game so  I spent the Sunday lying in bed before going off to a social gathering with a bottle of red that is completely off the record.

Call me if you need clarification Mum

Date #14 looked like a nice guy, but truth be told the events of the previous night overshadowed any potential Tinder date that was about to occur. My expectations were extremely low. His bio suggested that he was 6ft and liked coffee. He looked tall and had a slightly weird name. His photo selection was well-selected and showed him in the snow, in a suit and doing a hand stand. Seemingly harmless and didn’t look like a serial killer. Yay!

When I suggested we grab a coffee, he said he had class in the morning but was free around lunch time. I had this unwritten rule that I wasn’t going to date anyone at university, but Date#14 was five years older than me and I had graduated three years so he was technically well within the “mature student” category.

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Two years ago my ex boyfriend summed up mature students so well

We agreed to meet at Apache at 12:30pm. Naturally I was running late and couldn’t check my Tinder since I was on the phone doing a training with one of the girls in Head Office. Poor Date #14 then saw me on the phone clearly getting my ear chewed off. I made pathetic hand gestures that I’d be off the phone soon enough. After about seven minutes of this awkward hand gestures, I introduced myself in real life and profusely apologised (wasn’t really that sorry).

Since I had chewed through half of my break doing a training for an upcoming campaign, I had 30 minutes to suss this guy out and inject some caffeine into myself. Apache was closed ( on a Monday?! Come on guys!) so I suggested we walked to go to Stories which was about 100 metres away.

Because I was super late and Date #14 was a student, I offered to get our coffees and we both ordered Long Blacks on this extremely average Wellington day. Date #14 was wearing a brown woollen jumper which is the perfect uniform for a mature student at Victoria University. He had very overgrown facial hair that wasn’t quite a beard, or a short beard that didn’t compare very well next to the Hipster on the Saturday. Regardless, he was good-looking and extremely easy to talk too.

I was overly open, informative and talking extremely fast, since I was caffeinated and in a rush. I told him about the Tinder challenge within the first four minutes of meeting and we talked ( I talked) about our Tinder experiences.

Date #14 had the best story about Tinder when I queried him of his experiences. Some girl once asked him to come around and build her bed and he, being the nice guy he is, was happy to build it for her. When the day came that she was wanting the bed made, she texted him and he went around and actually put her bed together.

Naturally I asked the obvious question as to what happened after the bed was made.

“Did you do it?!”

Yep, they did. It’s so weird learning about people you don’t even know have sex. It’s like, “I’ve just met you and now I’m picturing you naked and dry-humping a girl who can’t build a bed”. Regardless, it gave him street cred and I respected him more. I made him walk me after our coffee to get some food and offered to buy him lunch but that I’d need to eat my noodles at work. He politely declined. Eating Chef’s Palette alone possibly wasn’t his thing.

The date surprised me. Mainly because he was awesome and I enjoy guys who are upfront and say it like it is. The next day I told him how awesome it was meeting him and that he was an underdog. He sent me a few messages after that (five to be specific) before I responded with something vague and non-descriptive “Omg such good stories” before proceeding to give him the cold shoulder (without intention, he was just constantly asking me to hang out or whether I was out and I couldn’t commit!).

If he reads this, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I didn’t go around for a massage, get a drink with you, have Sunday brunch or reply to the 15  others questions you asked me to my three responses over 18 messages. If it’s any consolation though, I got drunk a few Fridays ago and played Tinder on someone elses phone when she mentioned she had matched you. I highly recommended you and told her to meet you. So if you pull a pretty brunette with shoulder-length hair via Tinder without having to build her a bed, you owe me a coffee.

You’re welcome.

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