Date #9 Shortest Lunch ever with a Short guy

This date that I’m about to describe was the first to occur during a lunch break. Date #9 was one of my first matches during this Tinderventure and I gave him very little information at the beginning. Cue my shit chat, from the beginning:

He suggested that before our first date that we should exchange three things about ourselves, two true facts and one lie and the other had to guess which one was the lie. I would usually save my Tinder chats for deep into the night since during the day I would be working late and in the evenings I’d be full on with my other job. My ideal Tinder chat time was 9.30pm, which obviously suited Date #9 as well, except his bedtime was around 10pm. This was fine by me since his chat wasn’t good enough to go on longer. He started sprouted off random words to get my attention since I wasn’t enthused by a lot of what he had to say. He said “Bubbles! Hah” and I responded with “How tall are you?” to which he responded with “Short yo! Like 5ft.6 :)”

Well, that settled any future long term plans. There was no way I would ever get accidentally pregnant to him.

Date #9 continued with the weird chat, which upon looking over it now for the content of this blog makes me wonder why I met up with him in the first place. He said “Ah yeh! :D” which really fucking grinded me.

As above, we agreed to meet during lunch time on the Thursday following the pashfest with the Irish guy in my Barina. 12.30pm, at Nikau Cafe. See ya there bubbles! Ah yeh!

He then asked if I had met anyone off Tinder before. I said “A few.”I was clearly lying. Unless he was referring to simply, the last few days in which case I was in the clear. I asked if he was strange. His answer was relatively reasonable;

“Ha I hope not but I might be depending on what your perception of what’s strange :P You’ll have to make up your own mind. :D”

I was around 6-7 minutes late to which Date#9 prompted to text me to say “I’m inside standing around like a dork lol”

Lol?

LOL?

Why did I even turn up to this date with a guy who says LOL? I literally can’t even fathom. When I got there, I saw him – he was clearly nailing his Tinder photos with the four up-close face shots as he was incredibly short when I got there. He wasn’t as bad Danny Devito, but he was about the height of Daniel Radcliffe who peaks at 5ft 5. It didn’t help that it looked like he was wearing skater shoes too and wide legged pants to make him look tall. He really dressed up.

For a Date in 2002

I wish I could say that he really lifted me back up with his chat but unfortunately, that was a let down too. He was sweet but was awkward and his interactions with everyone we encountered – the waitress at the cafe for example just went to show that social interactions just weren’t his thing. It was so bad, that I feel guilty admitting that I figured this out in the first three minutes and the situation even made me feel awkward.

Date #9 still lived at home, with his Mum in the Greater Wellington region.

Me: “Have you ever flatted”

Date #9: “Um… nah”

Me: “Did you ever wish you were flatting?”

Date #9: “Err, nah its just my Mum and I”

Me: “Oh cool! I wish my Mum and I still lived in the same city… you must be saving so much money living at home all this time”

Date #9: “Erm yeh I’m saving for a house”

Me: “Cool! Where do you want to live”

Date #9: “Probably will buy in *Inserts Greater Wellington suburb that his Mum currently lives in*”

Me: “Cool! Have you been travelling?”

Date #9 “Ahh, nah I’ve been to Australia when I was a kid but nothing since then”

Oh fuck. See, I tried. I really did. I mean, it wasn’t the most awkward thing I’ve ever done (as I once tried to clean my dog’s anal glands after watching a Youtube video to save on vet costs) but it was genuinely quite bad. So bad that I offered to pay for the drinks in order to round the date up. So bad that I then faked a text message from my boss saying I needed to follow something up. It was so bad that he awkwardly told me his Dad had passed away two years ago.

Date #9 texted me two hours later, saying “Thanks for the fun lunch date! :D”

He then texted me the next day saying “Coffeeeeeeee next week! :D”

He then texted me the next day and said “Or zoo! Ha do you work weekends?”

I responded with “I went to the zoo over the weekend”

He said “Aww okay”

The following week he sent me a text saying that he saw the coffee place I liked.

I never responded again.