Date #23 Drinks with Warner Huntington III

Apologies for the delay in uploading. I thought that I would take a break to prevent myself from selling out or writing weak content because some people on the internet were offended at the idea of a girl going on 30 dates in 30 days. Crazier shit has happened in the world but hey, if a girl shows confidence, boredom and a desire to go on dates then she is a self-obsessed slut.

Rhetorical question, from a ‘self-obsessed slut’.

Anyway, I’m back and I’m a little sassy. Just like when I met Date #23.

I was quite enthused about this guy. He was a lawyer visiting from Christchurch, (something I found out after a few on and off messages) and he had flown up here for a case. One out of two of his Tinder pictures was a head shot that he clearly took off his work’s website from a crappy phone because it was distinctly low-res. I feel like there is something concerning about anyone with two Tinder pictures. They’re either lazy, non photogenic, a scam, or they’re incapable of uploading pictures to Tinder. None of which are compelling or endearing.

Hello, its me (uploading a picture with an Alcatel).

I must admit, I was intrigued to meet him. He was staying in a fancy ass hotel (of which Wellington has like, two,) and working long hours that weren’t compatible with my schedule. I decided to put some effort in and work around him more than I had with previous dates because his chat was quick, to the point and interesting. We were having paragraph-long conversations with sly flirtatious banter which was enough to mask the whole him-being-a-lawyer-thing.

Let me clear this up really quickly: I am in no way against lawyers. I mean, good for them for loving da law and I’ll almost certainly need one in case I get sued, divorced or taken to court for indecent exposure (any of which might happen at some point). I think it’s because I’ve been to enough social events with law students with my best friend (who is now a lawyer) to collectively write them off as potential luvvers.

I would turn up to these events, relatively drunk and they would try and have serious conversations with me which would just force me to drink more as they asked questions about what I planned to do after graduating (with my Bachelor of Arts with a Major in getting hammered).

Baby Lawyer: “I’m drunk, I’m slurry and you look slutty enough that I could take you home, but first where do you see yourself in five years?”

 

Me: “I’m going to write a blog about dating before getting fat and hopefully finding an old dude to be my sugar daddy”

 

Baby Lawyer: “Well that is fine with me. Not that you asked but I’m going to be rich because I’m 100% going to get a grad job at a law firm”
Me: “You must be so smart with dat LLB thang”
Me: “Now I need to urinate”
Baby Lawyer ponders before continuing his hunt for a one night stand that could maybe turn into more if she looks good in the morning.

I mean, sorry to offend all the male lawyers that don’t read this blog, but when you were students, you guys were unnecessarily cocky. It was so unwarranted and I was just trying to have a good night at these events as a sassy gal in her early 20’s who liked tequila and table dancing. Young Professionals (Yo-Pros: “yah-prahs”) can be so obsessed with making sure that it sounds like they’re killing it in their early 20’s with their fabulous jobs, and hiding the fact that they’re barely over minimum wage.

“I really want to do my Masters (if I can’t find a job that pays me my self-worth)”

Anyway, luckily for me – this lawyer was in his 30’s with great grammar, a full set of hair and hopefully spent his time doing grown up things that didn’t include getting drunk at Ponderosa with young pretty girls who are too drunk to see their bald spots.

Oops, I’ve probably accidentally offended people!

He was at Court all day on the day we were supposed to meet and said he was going to let me know whether or not he could make it since it was possible it was going to run late. I had a back up plan in case I was ditched- go to after work drinks at an actual official Young Professional network where people drink and talk about how successful they are with their current ventures, while getting the House Red and adding it to their student loan debt.

Tough gig man. All that hard work!

Date #23 gave me about an hour to text my friends to tell them I wasn’t going to make it to the baby wanker Yo-Pro event so i suggested to Date #23 that we meet at Dockside, not Foxglove, where the baby Yo-Pro event was being held to avoid confrontation.

Sorry, gotta work late. #YoPro life

For fear of being the first one there, I timed my trip accordingly so that I was only five minutes late to meet the guy who probably earned my yearly wage in a month. From our brief but relatively captivating conversation, it didn’t seem like he was all that bothered to meet anyone off Tinder given his intense schedule and therefore he wouldn’t be too impressed if I was more than 15 minutes late. Also, maybe I was wanting to make a good impression! Maybe.

He told me he needed to go back to his hotel after Court to shower and change before we met.

I had not afforded him the same courtesy … I’d just finished work after eight, long, hard hours of sitting at my computer being young and professional.

Sometimes I get told off in meetings for using Snapchat and zooming in on people’s faces

This guy smelt great and looked great and the only effort I had made was putting on perfume and red lipstick.

You bet I wear my slutty corporate out and about.

He was sitting outside Dockside waiting for me where he had a drink (seriously, I was only five minutes late! Lawyers) and when I ordered my G&T, Date #23 waved away my wallet when I went to pay. Suave.

Conversation was as you would imagine it to be with someone who was clearly successful, but he gave off the impression that he was the type who never went to these Yo-Pro events; he spent his time at work not socializing with the outside world and working his butt off for seven years of minimum wage before BAM paying off his loan and buying an apartment.

His work was definitely his life but he had other redeeming qualities, like his family and sports that he played on the weekends and not watched on the TV .

Do all lawyers end up like this?

Don’t be silly.

After about 15 minutes with Date #23 I started noticing all these Yo-Pros I knew by association filtering into Dockside. (What? I thought it was being held at Foxglove?). Too many people started saying ‘hi’ to me – and all five of those people remembered I’d worked at the trashiest bar in Wellington – leading my date to make a slightly awkward joke that I was famous.These kids were everywhere!!

Rest in Peace Big Kumara

The weather dropped and Date #23 suggested we go inside and have a second drink. The night was going well and he was still smelling good. We went inside where it was overly busy and the Yo-Pro event was being held out the back. A good friend came up (which I have to say, in case he reads this,) who knew about my excessive dating habits, and he introduced himself to my date like the good networker he is. I got the impression that Date #23 was trying to figure out whether I was good enough to go on a second date with, since he began asking me the most thought-provoking questions I’ve ever had to endure in my entire life – and I took a philosophy paper once in third year.

I failed it. I’m so basic.

cousins
Philosophy is da best.

For fear of this guy re-using these questions on every other girl he dates, (a likely case,) I won’t repeat them. Some of them were normal, like who would you invite to dinner out of anyone, living, famous or dead etc. I said my Opa, who I’d never met and my Dad, because I’ve never seen them together. I must have thrown in Britney Spears in there for good measure and to make the whole hypothetical dinner situation awkward if it was 2007 Britney. Regardless, it made me sound like I was super into my family, super humble and not too obsessed with celebrity. Date #23 then asked if I’d like another drink. It was like a prize for not sounding stupid.

the-office-ellie-kemper-alcohol-gif
Yes please! I only go on dates anyway so I can justify my drinking habits.

We continued with the thought-provoking questions for another drink, but as it was nearing 8pm, it was getting late and I was getting hangry. Hanger isn’t something I ever try and show people I barely know, so I always just make up excuses to justify leaving that doesn’t end in: “this situation has outlived the are-we-getting-dinner question, so I’ve gotta go”.

excuses-gif
“My parking is ….running out.”

Regardless, the night was kinda ending and I was too lazy to walk to my car in the rain “I wouldn’t get there in time!“(even though I paid for all-day at 8am in the morning) so I got an Uber 1km up the road. Best $5.30 of my life!

Date #23 walked me to my Uber, held the door and kissed my cheek before walking into the rain. He insisted he was going to walk back to his fancy ass hotel, in this ridiculous rain even though I offered to drop him off in my Uber.

Lawyers! Why so cheap? Did my three drinks reaaaaallly set you back?

As Date #23 lived in Christchurch and was leaving the next day, it was unlikely a second date was on the cards anytime soon. We continued to text and snapchat for a while until he started sending me half naked snapchats.

excited
I never ask for half-naked snapchats! This is weird, confusing and I’m going to reply with my double chin and my dog.
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3 thoughts on “Date #23 Drinks with Warner Huntington III

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